I have not always been a happy individual. I have had times in my life where I have been very lost and selfish. This is my story:
I was not very popular in high school and even though I was an athlete and had a lot of things going on, I was unhappy on the inside during college. I did a lot of things because they were expected of me and I wanted to make certain people proud. I knew after the first year of college that I hated being on the NCAA Equestrian team. It just wasn't for me. The things I had once loved about riding horses began to be a drill. It forced me to only look at the competitive side, rather than my love of just being with the horse and figuring things out over time. I had many problems with the team but stayed on because it was very successful. I profoundly regret this. I had moved to Texas from Arizona without knowing a soul. I am not naturally an outgoing person and making friends was difficult. I stumbled into a controlling relationship for a couple years and then after breaking up with him became friends with girls who were completely self-centered and backstabbing. I couldn't completely blame them though, because I was just as guilty for hanging out with them. And after being in an awful relationship, it kind of felt good to do whatever I wanted and be completely selfish. I had slowly become like them without even realizing it. Another important factor, was that I didn't even recognize my own unhappiness. I had become an unhappy person, without even knowing it.
When I moved back to Arizona after college, I was ready for a change: a brand new me! This was not the popular decision, my parents wanted me to stay in Texas and find a job there. But, I decided to make a change and listen to my own heart. This is much easier said than done. I was lucky enough to have a job right out of college. A gal that I had once rode horses with was opening up a fun boutique and needed help opening and running it. It was so much fun and I learned a lot. But, because I was an unhappy person still, I was always stressed, tired and negative. The owner, Sue, taught me more than just about running a business. She was a great mentor who empowered me. She was so positive and independent and really showed me to listen to myself and not care what other people think. One thing I have noticed since then is that the more I don't care what other people think, the more people want to be around me. I'm not saying, disregard other people, but the more you empower yourself and follow your heart, you give other people the power to do so and they, in turn, are drawn to you. Sue is definitely an angel that God put into my life to teach me this important lesson.
Another angel put into my life is my now husband, Omar. I was working at the boutique when we met. He was, and still is, a hair dresser in the same strip mall as the boutique I worked at. I had my hair done a few times at the salon by a girl that was in the chair beside him. Just having moved back to Arizona, I hardly knew anyone. I was completely embarrassing and invited myself out with my hairdresser. She had mentioned she was going out that night so I gave her my number and insisted we should hang out. I knew immediately that I had been completely awkward and that she would never text me. Looking back, I realize it was the Holy Spirit pushing me to do this. To my surprise, she did text me and we met up that night at a local bar, where he happened to be, also. I learned later that Omar had made her text me so that I would come. (That sneak!)
Anyways, one thing led to another and a few weeks later we had started dating. With my new, shaky confidence and sense of self, it was going well. Omar was unlike anyone I had ever met. He ONLY listened to his heart and really did whatever he wanted (which I don't recommend either, but that's for another post!). He had two hotrods, lived in a fancy part of town, and was very successful with his work. I was interested, to say the least. As things moved forward, I told him that it was important to me that we go to church if we are going to be serious. Although at the time I did not go to church consistently, I knew in my heart that it was important, especially in a romantic partnership, to be on the same page religiously. It did not happen overnight, but slowly we both realized that God is an essential component to any happy and healthy relationship. We have both made important changes because of God's presence in our relationship that have transformed us for the better.
I have other angels in my life as well, Amanda is one of them that I met in college who helped me break free of my controlling relationship and would not have a blog without. Also, my friend Lauren who I never really appreciated as much as I do now. Her individuality and courage to move all over the country to do what she loves inspires me to no end. My sister Dallas, who is never afraid to challenge me and point out areas of opportunity for me to grow. And my longest friendship with anyone is my friend Marie. We have never lived in the same state, or sometimes country, and at times we are closer than others, but without her, I would not be the person I am today. And my friend Kate: your walk with Christ has always made me want to have a relationship with him. You praying with me one time in my closet (I don't know if you remember) made me want to pray more and be closer to Him! I would like to take this moment to thank all of you for your awesomeness in my life and being there for me, even when I was selfish and didn't deserve it.
I now know that happiness starts with the decision to be happy and to make a change, even when you don't know where to start. When you begin listening to your heart, God will guide to the right choices and people to get you there. I hope this helps someone out there not knowing what to do, and wasn't too cheesy!
xoxo Tyler
A picture of me last week at the happiest place on earth: Disneyland!
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